IHADAV8.com - Turbo Buick Tech, and Nonsense
General => IHADAV8 Playground => Topic started by: Recklessrob on July 26 2006, 01:02:12 AM
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Lets see your submissions. Here's mine:
ihadav8 is even more fun, when you're half in the
bag ! - Recklessrob (1967- )
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Great idea!!!
"we're all fucked ...it helps to remember that" George Carlin
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I dont think SunDog gets it - Be4u (1973 to 7-23-2006)
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"But he is NOT gay"..........................lol.....(paul stanley)
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"But he is NOT gay"..........................lol.....(paul stanley)
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :gaygiggle;
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Paul Stanley is so gay he sweats when he eats a hot dog.--sundog ('71-end of time)
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Anyone else ?
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here is a quote I used to always say when I worked at Allstate...... ........"If assholes could fly, this place would be a airport."
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Another is............ ..."I suffer from PMS, Putting up with MENS Shit"....
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here is a quote I used to always say when I worked at Allstate...... ........"If assholes could fly, this place would be a airport."
I think I've seen that on a bumper sticker before.
Still funny though.
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Really??? Huh, I have been saying that for years...
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Speaking of bumper stickers:
"Jesus loves you.....everyb ody else thinks you're an asshole"
From 'The Prophecy' (one of my all-timers):
"I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now 'til kingdom come... the only thing you can count on... in your existence... is never understanding why."
Another fave movie of mine is 'The Way Of The Gun':
"Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!"
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Here's another:
Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" - Author unknown
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From 'The Prophecy' (one of my all-timers):
"I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now 'til kingdom come... the only thing you can count on... in your existence... is never understanding why."
Wow that's good. You mean from the movie with Christopher Walken? I don't know how I missed that one.
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Wow that's good.
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"sorry pal, my ball sack has too many internet nutswingers dangling right now and i cant take on another one. take your single post and go back to the corvetteforum where you can discuss the merits of zaino wax and clear bras."
(John Hennessey 7-20-2006)
lol
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"sorry pal, my ball sack has too many internet nutswingers dangling right now and i cant take on another one. take your single post and go back to the corvetteforum where you can discuss the merits of zaino wax and clear bras."
(John Hennessey 7-20-2006)
lol
Speaking of that. Did you ever see the "Zaino" thread on
one of the Corvette forums with the duck? Thats gotta be one of the funniest things
that I've seen on the internet. :rofl;
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You don't want to run out of Traction, Real Estate, and Ideas at the same time!"
-Racer X while teaching a drivers class
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No doubt.
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Speaking of that. Did you ever see the "Zaino" thread on
one of the Corvette forums with the duck? Thats gotta be one of the funniest things
that I've seen on the internet. :rofl;
No, but I did own a Vette for a few years and I have seen my share of Zaino threads. Those folks even list it as a mod to their cars!
Vette people are different. I have some great friends that own Vettes, but they are racers, not waxers.
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In the thread, I'm referring to a guy had Zainoed his C5.
A duck had spotted it in the parking lot, and was sitting next to it
looking at its reflection, thinking it was another duck. Occasionally
it would peck at the reflection(the car) and the owner would go nuts !
The owner tried to chase the duck away only to have the duck attack him for doing so. There must have been 6 pages of comments from other board members. Some
of them were hilarious !
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Yeah RR, I remember that. There was another story too....cant remember.
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You don't want to run out of Traction, Real Estate, and Ideas at the same time!"
-Racer X while teaching a drivers class
Very wise.
Can we get a group discount on a lesson?
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Hmmm? Random quotes, huh?
One of my favorites: A hard man is good to find
:D
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Hmmm?
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Hmmm?
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Hmmm?
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Very wise.
Can we get a group discount on a lesson?
No need . Last time we got together in Vegas, we got good and fueled up and then we started talking driving lines in some lounge while drawing on cocktail napkins. Lesson was and is free for my friends (as long as we are getting fueled up :rofl; )
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I remember gtting lost at one point, boy was I blitzed.
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Hold on a minute, I think theres one around here somewhere. :jerkit;
:rofl;
:smt077
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her are some more.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their
shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt...then
things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday...aro und age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
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I found a few more...
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
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There are more... :atbeer:
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the WashingtonPost says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New Yorksaid, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I''ll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
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20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I''ll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
That famous quote is said by Bryan all of the time......lol
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20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.
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Venus is the only planet that rotates
clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women,
what does this tell you?)
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lmao, that is a funny one.....I like it...lol
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lmao, that is a funny one.....I like it...lol
I knew you would. :rofl;
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This is one that a buddy of mine got in a text
message from his brother. To good not to
pass along.
If the indians had shot a cat instead of a turkey,
we'd all be eating pussy for Thanksgiving !
:rofl;
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^ Nice!
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funny......... :rofl;
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A lucky man will be eating both!!
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A lucky man will be eating both!!
It's a good thing that I like both white and dark meat.
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"...Sex Panther. Sixty percent of the time it works every time."
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"...Sex Panther. Sixty percent of the time it works every time."
I remember seeing some chick that had that on her myspace.
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"...Sex Panther. Sixty percent of the time it works every time."
I remember seeing some chick that had that on her myspace.
"....Eww, it smells like Bigfoot's dick!"
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Wow, gone for a week and he don't miss a beat! Excellent work, shithead.
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Wow, gone for a week and he don't miss a beat! Excellent work, shithead.
Yeah, I'm rad like that.
"Ah, but a piece of shit has a THOUSAND eyes."
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Wow, gone for a week and he don't miss a beat! Excellent work, shithead.
Yeah, I'm rad like that.
"Ah, but a piece of shit has a THOUSAND eyes."
LMAO! sorry, that is a good one! LMAO
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Around here, we affectionately refer to him as Mr. Hanky !
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Here's another quote for this thread:
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart: "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."
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Around here, we affectionately refer to him as Mr. Hanky !
As they say......"hidey how"......
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Correction! That's "Hidey Ho!"
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Correction!
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Chris, a SP fan? lol, kewl!!!
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South Park kicks ass ! :supz:
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Here are some more:
An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Keep your fences horse-high, pig-tight & bull-strong.
* Keep skunks & bankers & lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...no t yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Don't corner something that would normally run from you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
*You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older & think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, & sometimes you get got.
*The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Don't fix it if it ain't broke.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, & a lotta that comes from bad
judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it
back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
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"Hey honey, we need a new plunger, since you wore the other one out".
Quoted today from Mr. Campbell, at the local Super Wal-Mart while it was very crowded.
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lol, thats funny. I bet Rectum would be fun to hang out with.
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lol, thats funny. I bet Rectum would be fun to hang out with.
Just him????????
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Just found some more:
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you
hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% likelihood you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid
enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, at night, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who
got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you put yourself in the hands of 12
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Just found some more:
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you
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Rule number 7 applies to all of my ex-girlfriends. Get a shovel and I can introduce you to them.
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TTT
The Buffalo Theory - In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.
'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the s lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
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As you may have heard the Bush Administration said each one of us would now get a nice rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, and neither will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer or spend it on hookers since those are the only businesses still in the U.S.
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Quote of the week:
"I didn't vote for Obama, but he is remarkable. In less than three weeks in office he has collected more than $150,000 in back taxes." Just from cabinet appointments.
Gov. Sanford
South Carolina
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"The instinct to command others, in its primitive essence, is a carnivorous, altogether bestial and savage instinct.
Under the influence of the mental development of man, it takes on a somewhat more ideal form and becomes somewhat ennobled, presenting itself as the instrument of reason and the devoted servant of that abstraction, or political fiction, which is called the public good.
But in its essence it remains just as baneful, and it becomes even more so when, with the application of science, it extends its scope and intensifies the power of its action. If there is a devil in history, it is this power principle"
If only I had wrote it . . . AJ___