Author Topic: The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!  (Read 135000 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline SuperSix

  • Administrator
  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 5071
  • PSI: 234
    • View Profile
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« on: December 19 2008, 08:07:31 AM »
Per Sylvan's most excellent suggestion - I am renaming this thread the official IHADAV8 joke thread.

Even though the jokes should be funny - Zap is allowed to post as well.

Mark

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oldie - but a goodie. I like the last one!

STARTED

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

==============================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

==============================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....
==============================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left
my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

==============================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

==============================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...
'87 GN, 60lb, TA49, THDP, FTP cam, T+ lots o' shit - SOLD
'07 Ford F150 Lariat 2WD, 5.4L 3v - 255k
'20 Kubota BX2380. FEL, 60" deck
'78 IH/Case 184 Lo-Boy
'99 Kawasaki Bayou 400 4x4

Offline Top Speed

  • Don't Tread on Me
  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 2548
  • PSI: -2
    • View Profile
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #1 on: December 19 2008, 09:32:27 AM »
LOL
Champion Irons w/T&D roller rockers, TA-61 turbo, 206/206 Comp Cam,  57 lb/hr Siemens Injectors, 3000 stall PTC, PTE Plenum w/RJC Power Plate, 70 mm Accufab Throttle Body, RJC 325 Megacooler, TurboTweak 5.7/ Alky Control w/M1 methanol, 23 psig on the street, Puddn' Power engine, Borla Exhaust

Chris

Offline Zap

  • Turbo Street Eliminator
  • ******
  • Posts: 1590
  • PSI: 0
    • View Profile
Re: And then it started
« Reply #2 on: December 19 2008, 10:11:52 AM »
Those are Evers and Wood class. I'll not say whether that's good or bad. :cool;  :cool;
You can't get sweet shit outta a sour asshole

Offline Steve Wood

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 9882
  • PSI: 34
    • View Profile
    • http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com/
Re: And then it started
« Reply #3 on: December 19 2008, 11:44:37 AM »
Quote from: "Zap @ Fri Dec 19, 2008 10:11 am"
Those are Evers and Wood class. I'll not say whether that's good or bad. :cool;
Steve Wood

http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com

A lot of broken parts does not make you a racer; it makes you a slow learner.

DCEPTCN

  • Guest
Re: And then it started
« Reply #4 on: December 19 2008, 11:56:35 AM »
All good except for the gas tation one...the last one really *is* the best. Hey, howsabout a new all joke thread?

Oldie for sure, but one of my fave wife joke:

A man driving home picks up an indian hitchhiker. The indian, after getting into the car, notices a bottle of wine on the floor and asks "Yours?"

"Yeah, I got it for the wife." Says the driver.

"Good trade".

Offline Zap

  • Turbo Street Eliminator
  • ******
  • Posts: 1590
  • PSI: 0
    • View Profile
Re: And then it started
« Reply #5 on: December 19 2008, 12:17:39 PM »
Quote from: "DCEPTCN @ Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:56 am"
All good except for the gas tation one...the last one really *is* the best. Hey, howsabout a new all joke thread?

Oldie for sure, but one of my fave wife joke:

A man driving home picks up an indian hitchhiker. The indian, after getting into the car, notices a bottle of wine on the floor and asks "Yours?"

"Yeah, I got it for the wife." Says the driver.

"Good trade".


Abe Lincoln told that one to Booth and the rest is history.  :mad;
You can't get sweet shit outta a sour asshole

Offline Steve Wood

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 9882
  • PSI: 34
    • View Profile
    • http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com/
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #6 on: December 19 2008, 05:21:50 PM »
A farmer was selling his peaches door to door.  He knocked on a door and a shapely 30 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.  He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?'

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm as this?'

He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,' and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they nice and pink like this?'

The farmer said, 'Yes,' and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy as this?'

He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying.

She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'

Drying his eyes he replied, 'The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get fucked out of my peaches.'
Steve Wood

http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com

A lot of broken parts does not make you a racer; it makes you a slow learner.

Offline Zap

  • Turbo Street Eliminator
  • ******
  • Posts: 1590
  • PSI: 0
    • View Profile
Re: And then it started
« Reply #7 on: December 20 2008, 02:34:54 PM »
Where is Jack Evers when you need him?
 :mad;


What do you call a Buckethead loving, 6'4" Dodge driving behemoth that goes around with his zipper down?


Racer XYZ  :vom:
You can't get sweet shit outta a sour asshole

Offline Recklessrob

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 5112
  • PSI: 3
    • View Profile
Re: And then it started
« Reply #8 on: December 20 2008, 02:57:06 PM »
Quote from: "Zap @ Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:34 pm"
Where is Jack Evers when you need him?
 :mad;


What do you call a Buckethead loving, 6'4" Dodge driving behemoth that goes around with his zipper down?


Racer XYZ
Rob

Offline Steve Wood

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 9882
  • PSI: 34
    • View Profile
    • http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com/
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #9 on: December 20 2008, 05:56:57 PM »
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," says Murphy, and he runs upstairs and there sitting on their beds
are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters .

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of dem,Paddy?"

"Of course, ya idjit, what's the use of fookin' one?"
Steve Wood

http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com

A lot of broken parts does not make you a racer; it makes you a slow learner.

DCEPTCN

  • Guest
Re: And then it started
« Reply #10 on: December 20 2008, 07:26:53 PM »
Quote from: "Zap @ Fri Dec 19, 2008 10:17 am"

Abe Lincoln told that one to Booth and the rest is history.

Offline ledzeppac

  • Turbo Street Modified
  • *****
  • Posts: 812
  • PSI: 0
    • View Profile
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #11 on: December 21 2008, 01:49:20 PM »
So three midgets are sitting around talking and they decide to enter the Guinness Book of Records. Great idea they all claim. The first one goes to the office and tells the Book rep; hi I think I have the smallest hands. H"is hands are measured and 45 minutes later he walks out the door with the new record.

Alright! The second one yells, I'm next. The second midget walks in and says he has the smallest feet.  Sure enough 45 minuts later the second midget has the smallest feet record.

Wow says the third midget. I'm up! "guys its embarrassing, but I've got it, I have the smallest dick ever."  

The third midget walks in and 45 minutes comes out the door dejected... The first midget asks, "hey did you get it? Do you have the smallest dick?"

Third midget, "No who the fuck is Sylvan?"

Offline Recklessrob

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 5112
  • PSI: 3
    • View Profile
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #12 on: December 21 2008, 03:24:53 PM »
Quote from: "ledzeppac @ Sun Dec 21, 2008 1:49 pm"
So three midgets are sitting around talking and they decide to enter the Guinness Book of Records. Great idea they all claim. The first one goes to the office and tells the Book rep; hi I think I have the smallest hands. H"is hands are measured and 45 minutes later he walks out the door with the new record.

Alright! The second one yells, I'm next. The second midget walks in and says he has the smallest feet.
Rob

Offline Top Speed

  • Don't Tread on Me
  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 2548
  • PSI: -2
    • View Profile
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #13 on: December 21 2008, 06:50:37 PM »
Ding, Ding, Ding

We have a winner!
Champion Irons w/T&D roller rockers, TA-61 turbo, 206/206 Comp Cam,  57 lb/hr Siemens Injectors, 3000 stall PTC, PTE Plenum w/RJC Power Plate, 70 mm Accufab Throttle Body, RJC 325 Megacooler, TurboTweak 5.7/ Alky Control w/M1 methanol, 23 psig on the street, Puddn' Power engine, Borla Exhaust

Chris

Offline Steve Wood

  • Turbo Street Outlaw
  • *******
  • Posts: 9882
  • PSI: 34
    • View Profile
    • http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com/
The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!
« Reply #14 on: December 21 2008, 08:18:01 PM »
yes, indeed!  The champ is crowned!
Steve Wood

http://www.vortexbuicks-etc.com

A lot of broken parts does not make you a racer; it makes you a slow learner.

 

SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2024, SimplePortal