The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[Zap]

Wally Pipp wins nothing!  :mad;  Back to the bench, boy.  

[Steve Wood]

Bob was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent
his wife Mary to Home Depot.  At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful
bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt (the manager) to finish
waiting on a customer.

When Walt was finished, Mary asked.. 'How much for that faucet?' Walt
replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'   'My goodness that sure is
a lot !'  Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that
Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.

 From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

Mary replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

[Zap]

Excuse me while I go execute myself.  

[Steve Wood]

Excuse me while I go execute myself.

[87natty]

Third midget, "No who the fuck is Sylvan?"

 :prayer:

[DCEPTCN]

Third midget, "No who the fuck is Sylvan?"

What a coincidence, I think I just set a record for the longest distance from which anyone has ever seen a punchline coming.

Back to the drawing board, junior.

[Steve Wood]

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

 Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

 Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

 Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain ,Fvery hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

 Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

 Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

 Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice,  takes care of business.

 Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

 After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge
 visit there.

 THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

 Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts....

[Zap]

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

 Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

 Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

 Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain ,Fvery hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

 Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

 Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

 Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice,

[87natty]

Speechless.

[Recklessrob]

Who is going to explain that joke to Zap. :question;

[DCEPTCN]

This board is frequented by artists and musicians, so they may not understand heterosexual themed jokes.

[Steve Wood]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we

[DCEPTCN]

Do I need to start a wholly separate thread for jokes concerning the Poles?

[Zap]

Why, do you have a vault full of them? If so, it's a pole vault.  

[Recklessrob]

I think we need to perform an exorcism to get Zap out of Strawdawg's brain.