The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[Steve Wood]

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought out another ring.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000″ the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man, seeing this, said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said, “By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.” he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know,” said the old man, “But let me tell you about my weekend!!

[SuperSix]

Funniest joke ever posted here:
http://www.ihadav8.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;area=showposts;u=938

[Charlief1]

    Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year,

And every year Ed would say,

" Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Norma always replied,

" I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said,

" Norma, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Norma replied,

" Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars." Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "

Ed replied,
" Well, to tell you the truth     
I almost said something when Norma fell out,

But you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

[gnonyx]

The Empty Seat!
A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.
He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, “No.”
Amazed the young man asked, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
... The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?
“No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”

[$1987 GN$]

A Woman Must Learn To Trust Her Husband....

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. from under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.


As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.


"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say ‘hello’?”

[phil_long]

I love all of these jokes man.  Hahahaha

[stevemon]

 
 
 
 ...A bit of 'old' Texas humor.[/font][/i][/b][/font][/color][/size][/font]
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
       

[/size]An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his          [/size]cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells          [/size]the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the          [/size]cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had          [/size]swallowed that little ball. The barber replied,"Just bring it back in a couple of days       [/size]like everyone else does". [/t][/t]

[gnonyx]

 

[Pyro6]

Words of wisdom when driving through Texas.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
     

[$1987 GN$]

Words of wisdom when driving through Texas.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
     

Interesting

AJ___

[Steve Wood]

Most

[Steve Wood]

 A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .   There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view  of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
 
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentali st, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters out.
 
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

 

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.  The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
 
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."

[Charlief1]

    So much for government assitants.

[daveismissing]

[Steve Wood]

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law.. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood  and silence passed between the two men..

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."